Five Things
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Five Things: Friday, November 13
Good morning. Here is what matters today, in five.
1. ICE just had the biggest year in its history. DHS says ICE made about 491,000 arrests and 483,000 deportations in fiscal 2026, both records. The arrest total topped all three full Biden years combined. via The Daily Wire.
2. Teachers and nurses may get a cheaper retirement plan. The House voted 295-128 to let 403(b) savers at schools, churches and nonprofits use lower-fee collective investment trusts. Vanguard figures that is worth $23,000 to $28,000 more per worker over 40 years. via The Center Square.
128 House Democrats voted against cheaper retirement plans for teachers. Solidarity forever, apparently.
3. The soldier who shushed Hegseth’s entourage got a medal. Specialist Thomas Iglesias of the Old Guard reminded the war secretary’s party to keep quiet at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier on Veterans Day. On Thursday, Hegseth pinned a Joint Service Commendation Medal on him. via The Daily Wire.
4. Schumer’s own base staged a sit-in in his office. Capitol Police arrested 54 Sunrise Movement activists who occupied Chuck Schumer’s Senate office Thursday, chanting for him to go and demanding Democrats kill the filibuster when they take over in January. via The Daily Wire.
Nothing says “party of unity” like getting arrested in your own leader’s office.
5. Nvidia’s CEO quit. Senators want him under oath. Jensen Huang resigned Thursday amid reports of a relationship with a businesswoman U.S. officials suspect of Chinese intelligence ties. CFO Colette Kress is interim CEO, and Senate Banking chairman Tim Scott wants Huang testifying Dec. 3. via The Daily Wire.
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James Carville
Democratic strategist from Louisiana. Known for: “It’s the economy, stupid,” the Ragin’ Cajun nickname, and a disease he would like to spread.
Honored for having the courage to embrace his diagnosis. Trump Derangement Syndrome, he stated, is a “horrific, consuming disease” that keeps him up at night, and, if he could, he would take a pill to…make it worse? “I got it, and I want it, and I want it to get worse,” he said, floating a “pharmacological intervention” and setting his recovery for “22:00 hours, 3 November 2026,” which is to say election night. A strategist who built a career telling his party to talk about the voters’ problems can’t seem to stop talking about his own.
“I got a disease, I like the disease, and I’m gonna keep it. I hope I get rid of it sometime around, oh, I don’t know, 22:00 hours, 3 November 2026.”
Source: Politicon video, Oct. 20, 2026 (via Mediaite)Photo: JD Lasica via Wikimedia Commons, CC BY 2.0
More jabs on the Satire page →
Top Story
News
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DHS says ICE broke deportation records, nonprofit disputes claim
(The Center Square) – U.S. Department of Homeland Security Secretary Markwayne Mullin claims that U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement broke records this past year deporting and arresting the most illegal foreign…
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U.S. Supreme Court takes up Trump’s asylum ban
(The Center Square) — The U.S. Supreme Court on Friday agreed to hear a case challenging President Trump’s order banning asylum claims at the U.S.-Mexico border.
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EXCLUSIVE: McCormick urges Shapiro to opt in to federal school choice program
(The Center Square) – Arguing that the “window of opportunity for Pennsylvania is rapidly closing,” U.S. Sen. Dave McCormick penned a letter to Gov. Josh Shapiro urging him to opt…
Opinion
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Voter ID is on five ballots today. Notice who stopped arguing against it.
Eighty-three percent of Americans back photo ID to vote, Democratic nominees in Nevada and Ohio have stopped fighting it, and only California is still paying to keep it out.
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Tuesday was a rejection of MAGA, not of conservatism
Voters punished tariffs and a war they never asked for. Republicans who read that as a verdict on free markets will lose again.
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Brussels Eyes Europe’s Savings
How Brussels is turning household savings into an instrument of public policy.
Satire
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French Students Demand Better Schools, Set Fire to Existing Ones
“You cannot have an outdated education system if you no longer have an education system,” one protester explained.
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Local Progressive Stunned to Discover Higher Taxes Also Apply to Him
“I assumed the higher rates were for other people,” the man explained, refreshing his bank app.
From Our Allies
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From Our Allies: Friday, November 13
The best of the day from the Allies. Headlines link to the original; we add a line on each.
Trump’s ICE Just Blew Past Biden On Arrests, And That’s Only Half The Story
The Daily Wire — DHS data show ICE made about 491,000 arrests and 483,000 deportations in fiscal 2026, both records, with arrests topping Biden’s three full years combined.
The Left-YIMBY Bargain Comes to Albany
Manhattan Institute — Eric Kober reviews a 32-bill progressive housing package in Albany that would loosen local zoning limits while piling fresh mandates on private landlords.
Thanksgiving Is a ‘Day of Mourning,’ Lesson Plan Recommended to Loudoun County Second Graders Says
Washington Free Beacon — Collin Anderson reports that Loudoun County, Virginia’s district-approved holiday lesson guide offers second graders a Thanksgiving unit calling the holiday a “Day of Mourning.”
Cop Killers and Convicted Terrorists Get a Hero’s Welcome in San Francisco
City Journal — Stu Smith reports that San Francisco’s public library hosted a panel of former Weather Underground and Black Liberation Army militants celebrating their past and courting new recruits.
Find all of them on our Allies page.